Time flies when you...

It's so weird. Today was the last day of classes and how do I feel? Relieved? Hardly. I'm so stressed out at this point. This semester has been an interesting one, to say the least. Did I expect this semester to be stressful? Yes, to some degree I did but I think we always assume that no matter how bad other people say it is, we think that they are just exaggerating and it's really not all that bad. But when we really get into the thick of it, that's when you realize they were right. And that's what ended up happening to me this semester. I feel like I'm sitting back relaxing while I watch my GPA begin to plummet. And it's not that I did all I could to keep it up, I definitely could have done a lot better this semester and put a lot more effort into my classes. But one thing hit me during the middle of the semester. And I'm kinda glad it did.

About halfway into the semester, God rocked my world. And I don't necessarily mean that in a good way. It really started with the Ignite leadership conference back in February. God basically just told me to stop trying to hard to be perfect. I was "doing" so much to try and win his favor while at the same time trying to satisfy my parent's expectations of me and be prideful. God just really convicted me to start acting radically.  Specifically, I remember Him telling me to "leave the country." Now, this sounds really strange, but of course I knew that God didn't literally mean for me to pack my bags and go off to Africa. But the intensity of such a command hit me hard and it began to infiltrate my thoughts over the next few weeks. What if I really did just totally abandon all that I planned my life to be and let God take the wheel? It sounds cliche, but I think God was testing me to see I would really let Him take the lead and make the big decisions in my life. I knew God had been calling me to missions, He had given me a vision of the future that He had in store for me, but He didn't exactly give me a road map on how to get there. I had kinda just filled in the blanks with what I thought were the right directions. It was simple really. I'm really smart and I'm an engineer. So I'll graduate with my degree in engineering and then make some money for a few years, find a nice husband and go into the foreign mission field where I would raise my children with said husband and then do God's work. Straight forward, right? Wrong!

About a month or so later, I went on spring break with BCM to do mission work in Charleston. On the way there, I swerved in front of a huge refrigerated(?) truck while trying to get off at the same exit as the other two BCM cars. Well, let's just say we were very lucky not to have died that day. The truck hit the rear of my car and sent us spinning onto the exit ramp. Miraculously, no one was injured. We were all dizzy and Crystal hit her head on the window frame, but we all walked out of the car without a scratch. But from that moment on, I knew there was a reason we came out alive. God was looking out for us that day. He had a greater plan than any of us could imagine at the time. And that plan is still unfolding. But I think part of His purpose was to jar us awake, to shake us up and say "Look at Me! This isn't your life, so stop acting so darn selfish!" and I think I got the message. We volunteered that week in Charleston and could have complained everyday we were there, but I had a constant pain in my neck to remind me that I survived unscathed for a reason. Christ died on the cross that day to inject me with new life, His life, and not my own.

When I got back to school the next week, I felt like life was running in fastforward. I began looking ahead to the next semesters in engineering and things didn't look so great. Out of all the EE classes that I had been planning on taking in the fall, only one was going to be offered. Real funny, God. Nudge number 1. So I had to come up with a filler semester. I started looking at physics classes and gen eds that I needed to complete for my BSEE/BSPhys. There wasn't much available. Eh, I could make do. But if I planned on going abroad in the Spring, I wouldn't be able to take these classes until Spring 2013! God has a great sense of humor. Nudge number two. So I ask my parents permission to go abroad in the Fall. The deadline had just passed, but it was still doable. But I would have to pay the application fee and late fee right away, money neither I nor my parents had to spend. I'm really laughing now. Nudge number three. So I decided it was time to take this to my advisor. I needed to figure out what I was going to do for the next semester and I needed some serious advice. He suggests finding out which EE and Physics classes could be crosslisted and referred me to another advisor. I go to her office, and of course she's not there. Alright, God. I think I've gotten the joke. No more pranks, please? Nope. Nudge number fo'. Outside her door was a sheet detailing all the courses required for, get this, a MINOR in EE. BINGO! It's like God was leading me right to this neon orange sheet of paper tacked up on an obscure bulletin board. This was my ticket out of the metaphorical country of my selfish ambition. Here was the gateway to getting my life back on track with God's plan. This was something that made perfect sense and fit into this Vision I had been given. Engineering was a puzzle piece that didn't quite fit, like a set of bad directions and I had finally found the first stepping stone toward what God had in store for me. It wasn't what I had expected when I set out on this journey, but it is exactly what I needed and when. It just so turned out that I had already fulfilled all the requirements for the minor so long as I passed all my classes this semester. And that's when I had to eat a piece of humble pie, passing all these classes with so little motivation and a significant lack of passion has been a challenge. But The Vision is there and it's what has been keeping me going all along. I know that this is just a required step in the process. One day, I will see the final results and understand, but until then, I just have to trust that the Almighty Creator of the Universe knows exactly what is in store for me and has placed each person, event, and obstacle in my life for a greater purpose and I will be able to look back in faith and see all that my God has provided for me. I am so thankful to have such a loving God. His mercy endureth forever!

:)

Cornerstone

I must say that this past weekend was amazing. It went a little something like this:

Sunday: Find out that Carson Gish is going.
Wednesday: Find out that only Carson Gish and I are going. Attempt to make arrangements with Robin Van Sant to go, but failed.
Thursday: Invite Jenelle Robinson to go. She's gonna try to come.
Friday: Jenelle can't go. There's a possibility that Robin can, as long as she catches the bus from UNCG. Luckily, she does!
Carson and I arrive at Ridgecrest at 5:30. Robin, 7:15.
Session 1: Learn about Breath Prayer and focusing on the Spirit. John Hanna speaks.
Small group #1: get to know people and talk about session 1.
Bed.
Breakfast with Robin. Carson is a sleepy head.
Quiet time: practiced breath prayer, prayed that God would make my heart's desires match His, especially dealing with men.
Session 2: Bible study with manuscripts on John 15:26-16:15. Lee leads.
Lunch on the road headed to Downtown Asheville for Prayer Walk.
Walk all over Asheville with Forrest. Tried listening to the Spirit, but was too easily distracted. "I like a quiet church when I pray."
Regroup and head back to Ridgecrest.
Discuss our experience with small group. Everyone had different viewpoints of the experience, some found it productive, others (including myself) did not. Discussed judgment.
Free time. No one wanted to play dutch blitz, so we just chilled at the coffee shop.
Dinner with small group. Discussed legalism and it's harmful affects, especially at schools like Liberty.
Session 3: Ray Crompton. had a great response time at the end. Spirit said i needed Aclai to pray over me. Guess what, she was the closest leader to me. She prayed that I be courageous, take risks, and not wait to do mission work. just what i needed.
Chapter Time: Robin went with UNCG and Mike, Carson and I discussed our experiences.
bed.
Got coffee with Robin and did quiet time rather quickly.
Session 4: Marshall spoke on Galatians about walking in step with the Spirit. Aclai led a march around the chapel to Hakuna Mungu. i liked it. :)
left. had a great talk with Robin on the way back. it was amazing.
took robin to the train station and sat down to write this. the end.

One in a Million

http://www.wcnc.com/news/Piedmont-High-football-player-crowned-Homecoming-Queen-104222704.html

Go Jade!

October.

That chill is in the air.
That chill that brings such anticipation, of excitement and merriness, of happiness.
That chill that makes my spine tingle with knowing what greatness lies ahead.
That chill of the first of October.

1 John 4:18

God is not a man.

One-liners

http://www.vegard.net/one-liners/

^^This site is great. Facebook, beware.

Kids.

What I have come to realize is that, no, I don't need a man in my life to make me happy. But I do need someone. Someone who values me for who I am, someone I can love unconditionally and be loved unconditionally in return. If there is no man in my life, my prayer is that there will always be children. Watching them learn and love is such a blessing and I feel so privileged to be a part of their lives. The bond I had with my Rea Viewers is a bond that I will never relinquish and will always cherish. I'm going to miss them so much. They hold a special place in my heart and as I go on in this life, I pray that God will continually renew the mother's heart that He has planted within me. I can't wait until have kids of my own. And dating is merely a means to that end. And I trust that God will find the right man for me, but that doesn't mean I have to be a wife to be a mother. I will adopt a child, whether or not I am married. And I feel like I am prepared to accept that fate, if necessary.

Rea View

I miss my kids soo freakin' much. I think I just might have to go visit them sometime. Working with all those little happy kids just makes you so happy on the inside. You feel like you're making a difference everyday, in everything that you do. And I miss that feeling. A LOT.

sigh

I feel like at this point in my life, I should be passionately in love with someone. but i'm not.
I guess it's because Sept. 1 is nearly here. I think I just thought I'd be with someone right now. argh... I need to get over this! I think about this waaayyy too much. :/