Why are you different because you are a Christian? Tell us a bit about how Jesus has changed your life, as if you were sharing with someone who knows nothing about Christianity or God.
I was raised in a Christian home and barely even remember when I was saved at the age of 7. But that doesn’t mean God hasn’t changed my life. Even though I was a Christian, I didn’t really act any differently than I did before. The most that happened to me was that whenever I went to church camp, I would get a spiritual high and then come home and it would die off. Instead of putting my worth in my Savior, I began putting my worth in church ministry and making myself look like a better Christian than I was. I would never miss a youth meeting and went on all the trips. I helped teach VBS and worked in the nursery, served on the youth leadership team, in choir and praise band. I knew the “church” answer to every major question in the book and claimed God as the top priority in my life. I lifted my hands in praise at youth events and kept them in my pockets during church service. To everyone who knew me, I was a Christian going to heaven and it was plain to see.
But on the inside, I was a wreck. From 12 years old, I struggled with a pornography addiction that changed my vision of sexuality. I began putting some of my self-worth in guys and began pushing the boundaries with the boys I dated. I allowed them to do whatever they pleased with me, short of sex. At the same time, I placed the rest of my self-worth in my academic standing and intellect, achieving a 4.0 GPA every semester and only associating with other driven “honors” students such as myself. I was very judgmental and often looked down on people who did not live up to my standards. Put simply, whoever I was at church was a show and Christian was just a costume I could take off during the week.
Until my last semester of high school. I began dating a guy who I thought was a good, smart Christian like myself. When he told me he was considering agnosticism, I was shocked and fought to turn him back into the ideal husband character I wanted him to be. During this process, I began to realize that my concept of Christianity was skewed and I was not living up to it. Over spring break, God led me to Cuba, where I witnessed firsthand people living oppressed by their government with God as their only hope. While here, I found my calling and decided to apply to TEAMeffort Mission Camps over the summer to learn more about mission work and prepare myself for my future as a missionary overseas. Little did I know that what God was calling me to was more than a job, it changed my life. Or at least it was a catalyst.
Put simply, I was a terrible counselor according to my employer. I always wanted to just have fun with the campers rather than fulfill my duty as a supervisor. I slept a lot and often times acted pretty selfishly. My main focus was on being a great counselor to my campers and talking dirty to my boyfriend every night. But God began to use this time to show me how I needed to change. At the end of the camp, we were assigned to write a letter to ourselves about our experience at camp. Here’s an excerpt of what I wrote to myself:
“God wants me to realize that it’s not about me at all. It’s not about being ashamed for my selfishness, it’s not about showing campers an amazing staffer, it’s not about having a good time or even about singing at the top of my lungs in praise. It’s about showing others how God can change you, how God can use you, how we need to share this experience with as many people as possible. It’s about taking this experience, this journey, and showing others that it can happen to them, just like it happened to you. Being a Christian isn’t a boring church service, it’s not raising your hands in prayer, it’s not reading your Bible or giving a message. It’s living like Christ, as a sacrifice to our God, the God who created the universe. A God so big we can never pay Him back for what He has done for us. We can only dedicate our entire lives to serving Him through self sacrifice and humble devotion to His name. And even that will not be enough. 1 Corinthians 13:11-12”
Reading through that amazes me. I wrote this before I came to InterVarsity, before I knew what real Christian fellowship looked like. Since this letter, I have been heartbroken and ripped apart by devastating news. But I can always look back to this letter and see exactly how God changed me last summer. When I read this message I preached to myself, I remember that nothing is bigger than my God, not my problems, not my world, not me. God changed me last summer for the better. And while part of that person still remains, the physical, the memories, the heart has turned and I am now living my life for Christ and living each day for His glory and not my own.
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